During February, we spend a lot of time focusing on hearts. February is recognized as Heart Health Month, and it is also home to Valentine’s Day. When it comes to heart, we often have an easier time showing love, kindness, and compassion to others than we do to ourselves. You know the saying, “you are your own worst critic.” But self-compassion is so important for well-being and mental health!
Let’s be kind to ourselves and practice self-compassion this month — It’s OK to show love to yourself too!
What did you discover? Truth is, each one of us probably has something about ourselves that we don’t like; something that causes us to feel shame, insecurity, or simply not “good enough.” It’s part of human nature to be imperfect, and these feelings are part of everyone’s experience as part of living human life. However, we can change these self-critiques to self-praise with practice!
Writing is a great way to practice self-compassion. It allows us a safe place to explore our insecurities and also our strengths. I encourage you to try the following exercise that we included in our most recent email to past EveryWoman’s journal participants. This exercise was adapted from an activity used by the Centre for Clinical Interventions and also Dr. Kristin Neff with the Harvard Medical School affiliation,Center for Mindful Self-Compassion.
Which imperfections make you feel inadequate?
Try writing about an issue you have that tends to make you feel bad about yourself (physical appearance, work or relationship issues, etc.). What emotions come up when you think about this aspect of yourself? Try to just feel your emotions exactly as they are – no more, no less – and then write about them.
Write a letter to yourself.
Now think about a friend (imaginary or real) who is unconditionally loving, accepting, kind and compassionate. This friend can see all your strengths and all your weaknesses, including the “flaw” you have just been writing about. Write a letter to yourself in the mindset of this friend. What would this friend say to you about your “flaw” from the perspective of unlimited compassion? How would this friend convey the deep love he/she feels for you, especially for the pain you feel when you judge yourself so harshly? What would this friend write in order to remind you that you are
only human, that all people have both strengths and weaknesses? If you like, use the following prompt to get you started with your writing, or go ahead with a free write. Remember you are writing this letter to yourself, and trying to bring a caring and kind perspective to whatever the problem is. Avoid blame. Give yourself encouragement.
Dear [yourself],
I am writing to you because I understand that it is really hard for you at the moment. I know you are struggling with [the problem/trigger]. I am sorry you have to go through this. I hope you know that it is ok to feel [current emotions]. I hope you know that everyone experiences difficulties. Human beings are imperfect and we all struggle, so I hope you know you are not alone in this. I am wondering if you have thought about [add any helpful perspectives about the problem]. I really want your struggle to get easier. To help you feel better, address the problem, and move forward, I am wondering if it would help to [add any actions that might bring comfort or help solve the problem]. [Add anything else that needs to be said]. Please know I care about you and am here for you whenever you need.